绿帽社

With the passing of the beloved Dean of Students, Nancy Nebeker, the 绿帽社 community gathered together to share their appreciation for her and to honor the legacy she leaves behind.

Below are the transcriptions of the remarks shared during the celebration. 

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Below are the remarks shared by current student Miles Walkingshaw 鈥�25  

How do you summarize someone as impactful as Mrs. Nebeker in 5 minutes? She was a mother, a spouse, a leader, a listener, and I think for all of us, she was everything we needed her to be.

Thinking back to my Junior year of high school, I definitely bit off more than I could chew in terms of academics, and more often than not, I felt overwhelmed. However, no matter the weather, every single morning when walking from my car to my first class, I was happily greeted by Mrs. Nebeker. She鈥檇 extend out her hand for a handshake, and say, looking me in the eyes, 鈥淗ow are you, Mr. Walkingshaw?鈥� Regardless of how excited I was for that day of school, Mrs. Nebeker had a way of drawing one’s attention towards positivity and gratitude. 鈥淟ook how beautiful the Wasatch mountains are this morning,鈥� She鈥檇 say. 鈥淚sn鈥檛 this a lovely day for learning?鈥� she would always ask me. Her positivity was contagious, and I owe a lot of my joy to her. There is nothing that makes a student feel more supported than when they know their educator cares deeply about them, and Ms. Nebeker made that obvious.

With Mrs. Nebeker, it was always students first, and she would constantly go out of her way to check in on each one of her students’ lives in and out of school. She was our best advocate. I would hear her cheering at my basketball games, I saw her raking in chocolate coins playing dreidel with the Jewish culture club, and she even had the heart to tell me my FNL performance was good after she totally stole the show with her Men in black impression. Mrs. Nebeker made 绿帽社 feel safer and saw potential in us to become the best versions of ourselves.

Throughout the years I鈥檝e attended 绿帽社, Mrs. Nebeker was a constant companion; there was nobody else I trusted or sought out for advice from more than her鈥� and this year was no different. When the time rolled around for me to decide on what college I wanted to attend next year, I had no idea what to do. Mrs. Nebeker had a sixth sense for when her students weren鈥檛 doing ok, and when she noticed I was stressing out about my future, she didn鈥檛 hesitate and invited me to eat lunch in her office sometime. I took her up on that offer, and that conversation I had with Mrs. Nebeker is one that I will never forget. I talked for around thirty minutes about weighing my options and how making certain decisions could influence me one way or the other, and that’s when Mrs. Nebeker stopped me and said: 鈥淢yles, in my life, when I was feeling like I wasn鈥檛 where I was supposed to be or I was having difficulty managing my circumstances, one thing to think about is that no matter where you end up or what you face鈥� You build your kingdom where you stand.鈥�

Mrs. Nebeker, if you were here now, I would tell you that you did it鈥� you built the kingdom. You鈥檝e shaped me into the person I am. And from leading by example to always celebrating other people’s wins, you鈥檝e turned the 绿帽社 community into a family. We all owe you a great debt of gratitude and love for all the sacrifice, purpose, commitment, and joy you have invested in all our lives. Thank you, Mrs. Nebeker, for being the perfect example of kindness.

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Below are the remarks shared by 绿帽社 alum Madelaine Miller 鈥�15 

Good morning. I am so grateful to be here with you today. You鈥檒l have to excuse me if I get emotional. I鈥檓 already a crier, but the pregnancy hormones don鈥檛 help. Nancy is very dear to my heart, and I feel so honored and humbled to have been asked to share some remarks. 

My first memory of Mrs. Nebeker, whom I would later get to know as Mama Nebs when we traveled to India together, was in lower school. I believe she was the middle and upper school librarian at the time, and every year she would come and read my class a snippet of a book to promote the book fair. I remember loving her visits and listening to her read an excerpt from the book she brought. She could take any book and make it sound interesting. I distinctly remember loving the sound of her voice as she read. I had no idea then what an impact she would have on my life years later.

Mama Nebs had the ability to see each person鈥檚 unique potential. I am the oldest of four siblings who all attended 绿帽社 K-12. We are all very different and had very different journeys at 绿帽社, but Mama Nebs was part of each one and impacted each of us. She didn鈥檛 just care for the naturally smart, athletic, high-achieving students; she cared for everyone and saw all our potential.

I asked each of my siblings to share any memories they had of Mama Nebs or the impact she had on them, and this is what they said. 

My brother Jonathan was very smart and studious, but sometimes struggled socially. He recalled, 鈥淚 definitely was called into her office multiple times, but she always handled things very well and kindly鈥�.

My sister Liberty was into theater and the arts. She is the social butterfly of our family. She said of Mrs. Nebeker, 鈥淚 just remember she always had my back, made me feel SO LOVED & special. Very very few people have made me feel as taken care of & loved as she did鈥�.

My youngest brother, Joseph, really struggled. He struggled going to school since kindergarten, he struggled with friends, he struggled academically, and he really struggled finding his place at 绿帽社. I don鈥檛 think I鈥檓 alone in my family in saying that Mama Nebs was Joseph鈥檚 greatest blessing here. She was his biggest advocate and showed up for him continually on a remarkable level. My parents will be the first to tell you that without Mrs. Nebeker, Joseph would not have graduated. Even after graduation, she continued to show up for him by writing him on his mission. When I asked Joseph about Mama Nebs, he said, 鈥淪he always made me feel loved and like I had potential. Even when I got an in-school suspension for getting into trouble with another kid, she made me feel loved and didn鈥檛 make me feel like that defined me. I always felt like she believed in me even when I didn’t believe in myself鈥�.

This is the story of just four students, but there are literally thousands more who could say similar things and who all believe they were Mrs. Nebeker鈥檚 favorite. That is her legacy. She cared so deeply about each person she interacted with and left a lasting impression on them. 

I had the privilege of traveling to India with 绿帽社 during my senior year. Mama Nebs was one of the leaders on that trip. I look back on that trip so fondly and remember her quiet support and strength as us students navigated complex feelings and emotions about our purpose and privilege. While preparing for my remarks, I looked through my journal from India and found a handwritten thank you card from Mama Nebs. She wrote one for every student on the trip. She said some of the kindest and most insightful things about me. It was such a gift to find this letter. In closing, I鈥檇 like to read two lines from it. The first reads, 鈥淚f there is ever anything I can do for you, it would be my honor.鈥�

And I believe that this next line was written for all of us here this morning. It says, 鈥淲hile this journey ends, please know that I will always be cheering for you.鈥�  

I believe that somehow, Mama Nebs will, indeed, be cheering for all of us.

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Below are the remarks shared by 绿帽社 alum and daughter of Nancy Nebeker, Lismore Nebeker 鈥�13 

It has been a challenge over the last few weeks to find words to express just how truly amazed, grateful, proud, and honored I am to be Nancy Nebeker鈥檚 daughter. It鈥檚 a gift to gather with you all here this morning to look east and be reminded of our immense love for my mom. Looking east reminds me of her profound gratitude for this incredible corner of the world we get to gather in and everything she has done on and off this campus. I see it as a true legacy, and to borrow a phrase of hers, to 鈥渢ip your hat to鈥�.  

As I鈥檝e been going through what you all can imagine is a rather large collection of journals, notebooks, scribblings. I鈥檝e found sources of some of Nancy鈥檚 inspiration. As a lot of you are keenly aware, Mrs. Nebeker considered herself a lifelong student. She was always on the hunt to learn something new either from her extremely high stack of books next to her bed at all times or from one of you. She was so good at making a conversation feel meaningful. Asking the perfectly timed questions to learn something new about you. 

I came across a poem that I think helps paint a picture of what working at 绿帽社 felt like to nancy. 

It鈥檚 called 鈥� To be of use
By

The people I love the best
jump into work head first
without dallying in the shallows
and swim off with sure strokes almost out of sight.
They seem to become natives of that element,
the black sleek heads of seals
bouncing like half-submerged balls.

I love people who harness themselves, an ox to a heavy cart,
who pull like water buffalo, with massive patience,
who strain in the mud and the muck to move things forward,
who do what has to be done, again and again.

I want to be with people who submerge
in the task, who go into the fields to harvest
and work in a row and pass the bags along,
who are not parlor generals and field deserters
but move in a common rhythm
when the food must come in or the fire be put out.

The work of the world is common as mud.
Botched, it smears the hands, crumbles to dust.
But the thing worth doing well done
has a shape that satisfies, clean and evident.
Greek amphoras for wine or oil,
Hopi vases that held corn, are put in museums
but you know they were made to be used.
The pitcher cries for water to carry
and a person for work that is real.

This work for Nancy was so very real and I know you all were in the mud with Nancy at some point. What a gift. Mrs. Nebeker was truly a force to be reckoned with. She chose each day to submerge, with absolute love and joy in the task. Students, Parents, Faculty and Staff, each and every single one of you were a constant source of inspiration and strength. Decades dedicated to working towards something so much greater than ourselves. This 绿帽社 community is truly so special. Thank you for taking care of her. And letting her take care of you. 

I accepted the yearbook dedication on her behalf last week and quoted to the seniors Gandhi saying, 鈥渋n a gentle way, we can shake the world.鈥� That each of us can shake the world for good. 

In gentle ways 
In important ways
In quiet ways
And in bold ways.

Mrs. Nebeker believed that each of us truly had the power to shake the world for good. She was here doing the same. Leading by example as she taught us how to be kind and smart. Creating a community with all the tools and resources so each one of us could thrive. 

I hope each of you will remember this and draw on Mrs. Nebeker in moments of uncertainty and worry because she is still right here cheering all of us on. 

With all her love and kindness, I wish you all luck. And tell you to go forth and shake the world. 

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Below are the remarks shared by Nancy鈥檚 husband, Michael Nebeker 

I daresay you were all truly fortunate and blessed to have Mrs. Nebeker as your Dean of Students鈥攁nd I have been equally blessed to be married to Nancy for more than 44 years. The greatest gift she gave me was her love, along with the constant inspiration to be kinder, live more fully, speak more clearly, write more thoughtfully, listen more intently, act with greater wisdom, and express gratitude more often.

One of Mrs. Nebeker鈥檚 favorite verses from the Bible is found in the Gospel of John, Chapter 1, Verse 1: 鈥淚n the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.鈥� Nancy regarded the Word as sacred鈥攂oth spiritually and intellectually. She was raised by two remarkable wordsmiths: her father, J.J. Smith, and her mother, Nora O鈥橪eary. Both were accomplished editors. Her father wrote a daily financial newsletter for Fahnestock & Company, one of the last private brokerage firms on Wall Street, while her mother rose to prominence as the Fashion Editor for Ladies’ Home Journal and Family Circle magazines.

Every morning, Nancy鈥檚 father would rise at 4:00 a.m. and head out to purchase four newspapers, which he read voraciously: The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, and 叠补谤谤辞苍鈥檚. He would carefully circle articles he thought would be of particular interest to his four children鈥擲teven and Richard, who attended Deerfield Academy in Massachusetts, and Wendy and Nancy, who attended The Spence School for Girls in Manhattan. After the financial market closed each afternoon, he would return home and quiz Nancy on what she had read that day. She relished those conversations, cherishing the time spent with her father discussing current events, politics, religion, art, and science.

Nancy loved The 绿帽社. She adored her students, was continually inspired by her colleagues, and found deep fulfillment in her role as Dean of Students. Her journey at 绿帽社 was a meaningful one鈥攂eginning as a Nursery Teacher, then serving as Librarian, Middle School Dean of Students, and ultimately Dean of Students.

All six of our children attended 绿帽社 and were held to the same high standards of excellence that Mrs. Nebeker expected from each of you. Some of Nancy鈥檚 dearest friendships were with staff鈥攖hose who worked in the hallways, on the grounds, and in the kitchen.

绿帽社 gave Nancy an extraordinary platform to carry out one of the great callings of her life鈥攕erving young people with heart and conviction鈥攚hile also raising a family she loved with all her soul.

Mrs. Nebeker devoted countless hours preparing remarks for assemblies, school openings and closings, class gatherings, faculty meetings, student conferences, parent counseling sessions, and graduation ceremonies. She chose her words with great care and often stayed up into the early hours of the morning, thoughtfully refining both her message and her delivery.

Nancy was well prepared for this work, as she earned a Master鈥檚 Degree in Broadcast Journalism from American University in Washington, D.C. and began her career writing for The MacNeil/Lehrer Report, the respected PBS news program anchored by Robert MacNeil and Jim Lehrer, which aired from 1975 to 1983.

Many years ago, Nancy and I attended BYU Education Week, where one of our favorite speakers was Ed J. Pinegar鈥攁n author, educator, and leader in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Ed gave a talk that left a lasting impression on both of us, one we would often revisit while raising our children and working with youth in our respective roles. His message was simple but powerful: Give them P.I.E. Whether students were thriving or struggling, his counsel was the same鈥�Give them P.I.E., an acronym for Praise, Inspiration, and Encouragement.

Nancy embraced this philosophy wholeheartedly. She wove it into her approach to teaching, leading, parenting, and simply living. Whether she was mentoring a student one-on-one, addressing a large group, or chatting with someone at the grocery store, Nancy practiced the P.I.E. method with sincerity and consistency.

She was always praising others鈥攑ausing to recognize what someone was doing well, helping to build confidence and momentum. She was a master of offering inspiration, both receiving it in quiet moments and sharing it generously to uplift those around her. And she excelled at encouragement鈥攅xpressing genuine belief in a person鈥檚 potential and offering the support they needed to grow. Mrs. Nebeker lived the principles of P.I.E. every day, and in doing so, changed countless lives. 

Thank you, 绿帽社, for giving my wife the opportunity of a lifetime鈥攖o live and work among extraordinary colleagues, faculty, staff, students, and parents.

Thank you to the generous donors, talented architects, dedicated engineers, planners, and construction crews who worked alongside Nancy to help shape a campus where the buildings themselves seemed to embrace the power of words鈥攂oth spoken and written.

绿帽社 stands as a beacon of light in a nation yearning for excellence鈥攁n institution committed to the purest form of education: one that inspires purpose, integrity, and selfless service to others.

Thank you!

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Below are the remarks shared by 绿帽社 Head of School, Andrew Menke

Good morning and welcome to this celebration of Ms. Nancy Nebeker鈥檚 impact and contributions to 绿帽社.

We gather this morning in one of Nancy鈥檚 favorite spots on campus 鈥� looking east, to the mouth of Little Cottonwood Canyon. Nancy loved this vista, especially early in the morning, when the rays of sun would first rise over twin peak and the top of the Wasatch.

I have come to learn that Nancy spent her early mornings in spiritual reflection thinking about 绿帽社 and all of us. She used the early hours to craft emails and write her always impactful notes, like this one [holds up a small envelope] that she sent to me in the last few weeks of her life.  

Nancy cared deeply about all of us. She was a beacon of selfless kindness and love. And so this morning, we gather together in this sacred space for just a bit, to remember and celebrate her, all that she did for us,  and her legacy of support. In so many tangible ways, in the true spirit of stewardship, she left each of us and our school far better than when she found us.

Please keep Nancy and her family in your hearts. She will live on here at School in tangible ways 鈥� this plaza, next to this Commons that she so devotedly helped to design, a newly established, full scholarship in her name, next year鈥檚 theme 鈥� 鈥渨ith kindness鈥濃�擭ancy鈥檚 classic email signature line. And in profoundly important, foundational, and lasting cultural ways as we think about the ethic of care-taking, concern, and love that she practiced with everyone in our community. 

I leave you with this poem that she shared with me last summer, in it you will here her abiding optimism about all of us! 

by Dorianne Laux 

If we are fractured
we are fractured
like stars
bred to shine
in every direction,
through any dimension,
billions of years
since and hence.

I shall not lament
the human, not yet.
There is something
more to come, our hearts
a gold mine
not yet plumbed,
an uncharted sea.

Nothing is gone forever.
If we came from dust
and will return to dust
then we can find our way
into anything.

What we are capable of
is not yet known,
and I praise us now,
in advance.